


Falling deeper in love with you (So tell me that you love me too)

by phan_on_the_nx_01



Category: House M.D., Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coma, Fluff and Angst, House is an ass, M/M, Major Character Injury, my favourite tv show, not 'case' based, some major angst, whats new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-15 19:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phan_on_the_nx_01/pseuds/phan_on_the_nx_01
Summary: Dr Howell and Dr Lester, recently transferred to Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.Dan, silently pining for Phil, throws into his work as one of Houses team. Phil, also pining, tries his best to get over his supposed unrequited love the only way he knows how.Its not going to end well for either of them.





	1. Best friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jess/gifts).



> welcome to my new fic which has taken me around half a year to write. I'm really excited to share this one so thanks for reading if you do!

Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital was a bustling hub of activity. The day had barely started when two men strode up to main desk politely asking for Dr.Cuddy ( _ British accents  _ the nurse noted). They talked almost in sync, the brown haired man blushing as he shyly glanced at his companion.

“You are Dr Howell and Dr Lester?” Cuddy greeted as she saw the men enter her office.

“Yes” Phil said as they sat down.

“You have been hired by Dr Wilson and Dr House respectively, I would warn you Dr Howell that House is a difficult boss”

“I have realized. But he'll have to deal with me, so I think it's going to be difficult for both of us”. Phil managed to suppress a snort.

“I hope he enjoys part of his carpet being used for your existential crises” Phil joked “if those do happen please tell me, he needs someone to drag him out of them” he added with a more serious tone.

“Are you two-” Cuddy trailed off and Dan blushed an even deeper red

“No we're not. Best friends yes; together no” Phil clarified quickly.

“My apologies”

***

Dan tried not to wince at Phil's answer. It only solidified the fact that he had no chance with the other man, no matter how hard he tried. He knew within a few months, Phil would be going out with some pretty nurse and Dan would be forgotten.

He could deal with it maybe with a huge tub of Ben and Jerry's and throwing himself into his work more than ever. Phil said he worked too hard, Dan said he didn't work enough. He halted outside the glass door of the diagnostic conference room. He steeled himself for an inevitable onslaught.

“What are you doing staring at the door?” Dan shook himself out of his daydream and turned around to see Dr House standing behind him.

“I- um” Dan stuttered “was sent by Dr Cuddy, I'm joining the team”

“Your boyfriend joined Oncology”

“Not my boyfriend”. House frowned

“He wasn't your boyfriend?”

“No”. House looked unconvinced.

“Which once are you? Lester or Howell?” House was becoming irritated and pushed past Dan to let himself into the diagnostic department. Dan followed after him.

“Howell”

“Manchester University”

House sat down at his desk and waited for Dan to sit down. He bought out a file from one of the drawers and opened it, scrutinizing the details.

“What made you want to join this department?” House said, still looking at the paper. Dan could see his awful hospital regulation photo in there, his hair longer and face younger. He also knew that House never asked these questions to any of his employees.

“To put off people inevitable deaths, while trying not to think of my own”

House grinned.

“And?”

“And?

“Doctor Lester” House elaborated “most  _ best friends _ follow each other from hospital to hospital, joining a whole variety of departments to stick together?”

Dan blushed again. Was it that obvious? First Cuddy now House. His morning was shaping up just great. House's grin, if possible, grew wider.

“So there is something”. It came out as a statement rather than a question.

“No” Dan muttered “there's nothing there. At least not on his side. I was 18, an aspiring medical student and this amazing 22 year old guy takes you under his wing and is the kindest person you have ever met, how could you not? But he'll find someone in this hospital who will treat him better than I ever have. And I'll be left behind”. Dan refused to look up at his new boss. Sentiment was not House's strong point and he had not spoken a word since his admission.

“You'll be in the same boat as Cameron”. Dan looked up.

“What?”

“She loves unattainable Doctors”. Dan laughed.

“Then don't introduce her to Phil”

***

Doctor Phil Lester had been quick to cover his tracks. _Cuddy_ _thought they were together._ Which was ridiculous, because Dan was straight. Doctor Wilson was his new boss, three time divorcee and probably not the person to ask about your unrequited love on the first day.

“You have a remarkable record”

“Thank you, sir”. They were in Wilson's office. He noted that House and Wilson's offices were connecting via a balcony as soon he entered. He didn't know what to do with the information but stored it anyway.

“Some of the best hospitals in the UK, why the US all of a sudden?”

“Fresh start. I'm almost 30, I thought I needed to start looking soon and get settled”

Hopefully with Dan. Always with Dan.

“With your friend?”

“My best friend” Phil recovered. The way Wilson said friend made a weight settle on his heart.

_ Friend. Friend. Friend. You're my best friend Phil. _

“Sounds like Cuddy's got her hospital drama and without House” Wilson shrugged “that's new”. Phil groaned.

“You've got to be kidding me”

“Don't worry, she'll be glad of it” Wilson stated “something that doesn't involve lawyers, it'll be a welcome reprieve for her”

***

The hospital cafe was the busiest around 1pm. Cases were slow that day, nothing that would interest House. Dan wandered in after his meeting with his colleagues Cameron, Chase and Foreman only to find Phil talking to one of the fellow nurses that worked on the Oncology ward. She was classically pretty; clearly interested in the new British doctor. Phil, Dan gladly noted, was only half interested in the conversation. He walked up, trying his best to look like he was staking claim to Phil. Not that he had much of a claim to stake.

“Hey Phil” he greeted as he sat down opposite the nurse and smiled up at Phil.

“Hi!” Phil responded “I was just sorting out some of the Oncology admin”

“Sounds fun. I'm Dan by the way” Dan turned to the nurse as she looked between them.

“So you’re the one he's been talking about constantly since I met him?” she laughed as Phil's cheeks went slightly pink “I'm Louise”

“How's House?” Phil asked as he turned to Dan, lightly brushing his shoulder against Dan's as he did so “as difficult as described”

“Colder than cold” Dan said “his team is used to it”

“The best minds of the hospital” Louise interjected “you must be pretty good to get on that team”

“the best there is” Phil gushed “better than me I dare say”

Dan wondered when he would stop blushing today


	2. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst from Dan  
> obliviousness from Phil

 Their flat was small. Despite their savings, moving everything to the US was a pain in the ass and the wallet. Flat 09 which made Dan frown, as if the world was working against him. The year Dan ran headfirst into Phil, literally. Running across campus to get to a lecture and he had ran into Phil instead. Typical really. And here he was 6 years later, moving across the world to be with him. Fate had worked wonders on Dan. That day in Manchester which he thought was a date but only ended in heartbreak (his heart) (not Phil's) (Phil's heart was too good to be broken). He would take what little time he had left with Phil and then leave, slip out quietly. Dan would try not to look back (he would always look back).

“Want to order pizza?” Phil asked as the flopped down on the sofa, boxes still surrounding them.

“Whatever is easiest” Dan replied “I cannot be bothered to cook right now”

“Pizza it is then”. Phil got up to retrieve his phone from the kitchen and order pizza from the Italian Wilson told him about earlier. Dan groaned and sunk further into the sofa. There had been no interesting cases for the entire week and a half that they had been there. Dan was bored during clinic hours and doing petty tasks for House, he needed a case to distract himself. He had seen Phil around the nurse's station more than once. Dan noticed him flirting with one of the nurses and tried extremely hard not to run away. He was fairly sure that Phil would have a date at the end of the month,at which he would be purchasing some of the best alcohol from the corner store and watching Brokeback Mountain.

“All ordered” Phil said cheerfully as he walked back in “should be here in about 15 minutes”

“Did we do the right thing?” Dan blurted out as Phil sat back down “moving away to a place we've never been to for jobs we don't know we'll have in a few years?”. Phil look up at him, slightly stunned. They had had doubts about moving but knew it was the right thing to do. To get away from mothers who were trying to coerce them to meet a nice girl (or boy) to settle down with and friends who were already settled; showing off engagement rings with hearts in their eyes. It was the right thing to do.

“It's a fresh start” Phil said calmly “we're not known here. There is no judgment and we can succeed in our new jobs, just like we always have”

Dan knew he was right but it didn't mean he wasn't worried.

***

A good case turned up finally in the next week, as Dan began to unpack more boxes and Phil managed to acquire some houseplants. Dan remained busy long after midnight on most nights for a good five days, running an entire battery of tests for House. He was determined to prove his worth to House and the team. Foreman had grudging respect for him, Chase was nice enough and Cameron still had distinct reservations. Dan still didn't know why. House still called Phil his boyfriend unafraid to call him 'Doctor Lester' even. Dan had spluttered after him when he had ordered him to do a CT and told him 'to get a move on Howell-Lester'. He refrained from blushing as Cameron frowned at House's retreating form. It was lucky that Phil hadn't been around to see his reaction. Subconsciously he looked down at his ring finger. He knew a ring would not be adorned there by Phil but he had hoped it years ago. Dan had imagined one day blurting out his feelings while they were watching a movie or eating dinner and Phil smiling, telling him he loved him too. It kept him going when Phil announced he was going on another date. He had imagined what his lips felt like countless times, full and plush.

_ Get out of your daydreams Dan, they do not work. _

He hated that they were just daydreams. He desperately wanted them to be real.

Later when the case had wrapped up in a typical House fashion. He wandered out into the lobby to wait for Phil so they could make their way home. It had quickly become a daily ritual as long as the other was not held back due to patients. Dan waited. And waited. And waited. He was going to give up until he saw Phil rushing towards him. He had a massive grin on his face and his eyes were sparkling. Dan couldn't help but smile too.

“You'll never guess what!” Phil said gleefully. Dan didn't have time to respond “I've got a date.

Tonight!”.

Dan's smile dropped and he frowned. They had been here barely a month and Phil had already begun looking around. He tried to smile again but failed, tears stinging his eyes as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

“That's great” he mumbled “who is she?”

“She works in the Oncology department. She's so nice Dan” Phil sighed “I hope this works out”

“I hope so too” Dan struggled out. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't. It was bound to happen. Phil happy and Dan, alone and wishing for something impossible. Phil's arms around him.

***

Dan looked at the bottle of vodka. It stared back. There was an anime paused on the tv screen. He had paused it when he went to collect the bottle. The screen was lit up with a text from Phil.

**Phil <3**

**Date going well! We've arranged another. Be back soon!!!**

 

Arranged another. Phil never usually had second dates.  _ She must be amazing  _ Dan thought glumly. He unscrewed the bottle cap and poured the vodka into a cup. He drank some and felt the alcohol burn his throat. It felt good, better than what was going through his mind.

_ Leave now. Cut ties. Never going to love you. Moved on. Should move on. Not good enough. I love him. I love him. I love him. _

_ He doesn't love me. _

He drank another. And another. And another.

Then there was a knock on the door. Dan jumped up, hitting the small coffee table and spilling some of the vodka onto his jeans. He tried to make himself look vaguely presentable and walked down the hall to the person now rapidly knocking on his door.

“I'm coming!” he called as he made his way down.

He opened it, only to be faced with none other than House.

“God you look like shit” House said

“Thanks” Dan replied “what are you doing here?”

“Looking for you what do you think?” House snapped back “where's the boyfriend?”

“On a date”.

“Oh” suddenly House's nose scrunched up “have you been drinking?”

“Just started” Dan shrugged “Phil's going on a second date with her. Figured I'd  _ celebrate _ ”. House sighed.

“What are we going to do with you Howell?”

***

 House dragged him to the hospital, which Dan was glad for. He needed a distraction, anything would do, at this point. He also tried not to notice that he was wearing Phil's hoodie which he had stolen years ago when he wasn't looking. Dan remembered wearing it in front of Phil once trying to garner some reaction from him. He got none. His 19 year old self tried his hardest not to feel like he hadn't succeeded in making Phil fall in love with him. He was naive then but he wouldn't be naive now, if he knew that Phil was going to settle down, he would cut the ties that had been intertwined so much he didn't know what to do. They were Dan and Phil, inseparable. But now it was just Dan. 

 He sat down in his seat in the diagnostic room with a sigh after going to the locker room; at which he stared at the picture they took when they went out together in Manchester, in pride of place in his wallet. A day with Starbucks, the eye and later the Sky bar. It was perfection. Phil had been so excited to show him around taking his hand to drag him along the streets and pulled him close when pointing something out, whispering in his ear. 19 th October 2009, Dan fell in love with Phil.

“So what’s the case?” he asked as the rest came in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comment please!  
> hmu twitter: @thatbarin_tokyo


	3. Never be satisfied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more angst!

He met Phil at 11am at the cafe. Phil's eyes were sparkling and he was practically glowing. He had returned home just after Dan had left.

“It was so good Dan! We had so many of the same interests” Phil said excitedly as Dan sat down “she even likes Muse”.

Dan stomach dropped. Muse had always been their thing from the very start, back from when they did bad lip syncing to it in Dan's old dorm room laughing as Matt Bellamy hit the high notes and did air guitar riffs to Uprising. He swallowed and smiled.

“So when's the second date?” Dan asked as he swallowed the lump that been rising in his throat. He wouldn't cry. He had cried enough over Phil.

“Next week. We're going to see Arrival at the cinema and then dinner afterwards” Phil grinned

“But we were going to see that together” Dan protested as he pushed his chair back “remember?”

“We can go see it” Phil rushed out as Dan began to walk off “I promise”. Dan could only laugh, but it was small and felt bitter.

“Save it Phil” he said “I've got to go”

He could Phil's eyes burning at the back of his head as he walked away

***

_ I will never be satisfied _

***

Phil tried not to look up as he saw Wilson sit down opposite him, the chair that Dan had occupied not two minutes ago.

“Not to sound like a hypocrite” Wilson started as he looked at his colleague “but you're letting go of your best friend for a girl we both know is going to break your heart”.

“He doesn't love me” Phil's whisper was hoarse “isn't this better?”. Wilson sighed.

“House went to your flat the night you went on your first date with her. He said he looked like shit” Wilson stated “he looked like he'd been crying”. Phil looked up, but only slightly.

“What?”

“Not a normal reaction of a best friend. Think it over Lester” Wilson said “come on. Back to work”

***

Dan wasn't really sure how long he had been staring at the board for. The symptoms made no sense, as they always did. It was ridiculous. He tried not to notice Cameron sitting next to him.

“So what's the problem with you and Lester?” Cameron asked

“There isn't one”. Cameron snorted.

“So you gaze at him like you do because you're the best of friends? You can't fool me Howell” Cameron seemed almost annoyed but Dan tried not to notice.

“What do you want me to do? Confess to him?” Dan said sarcastically “That would work”

“It would be preferable”

“Please don't”

“Do it. Or you'll regret it”

“ _ Don't _ ” Dan suddenly shouts “this is my choice!  _ I _ love him! I  _ love _ him! I love  _ him _ ! But he will never know because I am not good enough for him and he will never love me”. Dan wasn't sure when he started crying “he'll marry some pretty girl and I'll just look back thinking what I did wrong, why didn't he love me? I fell so deeply and I'll just be his best friend, nothing more”

“Then let your last chance slip away!” Cameron suddenly snapped back “if you love him enough, then fight for him! Don't let it slip through your fingers because you think you're not good enough”.

With that Cameron left.

***

_ 1 month later _

Dan tried not imagine the flat without Phil. He could feel the cold seep into his bones as he could see a phantom Phil pack up boxes as he talked about his girlfriend and how wonderful their life was going to be, as Dan saw his life slip away from him. Phil was out again, for the third time that week, it felt like he had lost. Without thinking about it he raised the bottle he was holding and saluted the girl that managed to snag Phil. He guessed he should of packed his stuff and left when Phil came in and told him he was in love. It had been a month and he was in love.

_ as I romanticize what might have been _

He downed the bottle.

Dan looked at the suitcase, neatly packed and ready to go. He had packed it on a whim. Dan had thought it all out. He would stay in the hotel Dr Wilson had stayed in, as House had told him.

Right now it felt like the time had come, it was time to leave. Phil would return to an empty flat, free of the shackles that reigned him in and stopped him from settling down with someone. Phil would be free, Dan would be heartbroken. He had the letter prepared, now all he to do was leave.

So he did.

***

Phil was bored. It was their fifth date and there was nothing, no spark like there was with Dan. Half the time when he told Dan he was going out on a date, he was on late night duty trying to put distance between him and Dan. She thought Pokemon was childish and rolled her eyes at his stories, most of which included Dan. The look in her eyes when he mentioned Dan was something he couldn't decipher.

“Dan's awfully reliant on you, isn't he?” she asked as their main course was served “shouldn't he be going out; meeting people?”. That hit hard.

“I don't why” he replied, trying to keep the pleasantness in his tone “we've always had each other since med school. He's my best friend”. She laughed at this.

“Oh please” she said sarcastically “you must be blind to how he looks at you, like you hung the moon and the stars just for him, trying so hard to make you fall in love with him”. Phil was stunned at this. Did everyone think they were in love? Did they think Dan could love him?

“He can't”. She only grinned wickedly at this.

“Then why is he leaving?”

Phil looked out of the window to see Dan dragging a heavy suitcase behind him. His face was marred with tear tracks. He was wearing Phil's jumper. He looked broken. Phil ran out of the restaurant without looking back. Why was Dan leaving? What had happened?

“Dan!” he shouted as he caught up with him. Dan stopped in shock of being caught.

“I thought you were on a date?” Dan called behind him.

“I am” Phil said.

“Then go back to it” Dan muttered “go back to your perfect girl and leave me alone”

“what?” Phil replied in disbelief.

“leave me alone” Dan cried as he turned to face Phil, stumbling over his suitcase as he did so “I'm not good enough for you Phil. I tried so hard to make you fall in love with me and I failed. When I was writing hospital applications I wanted to write 'I want Dr Lester's love so much it makes it hard to breathe'. Each time we came to a new hospital there was always someone else. Another date and I remain at home wishing it was me” Dan smiled weakly “so I'm saying goodbye Phil. I'll love you always. Always”

Dan rested his hand his hand on Phil's cheek “Goodbye”. Dan wheeled his suitcase away and started to cross the road while Phil stood there in stunned silence.

Dan didn't notice the truck

***

_ Must I be bound and you go free? Must I love you who ne'er loved me _

_ why should I act such a childish part to love a lad who will break my heart _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and kudos is wonderful  
> hmu on twitter: @thatbarin_tokyo


	4. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: non-descriptive surgery

He realised he'd been slapped when he felt the sting. Cameron looked pleased when she saw the red handprint forming on his cheek. House, Chase and Foreman looked on.

“You idiot” she said as he rubbed his cheek “he's now in intensive surgery because of you”. House, being his insensitive self, added “and for not looking both ways when crossing a road”. Even Foreman winced at his words.

“My best new recruit could be dying because you were both too blind” House continued “the letter he left is on the table, read it”. House started to walk towards the door “I'm going to check on Dr Howell while you realise your mistakes. You three with me”. Cameron glared at him, Foreman shook his head and Chase just followed silently. Phil looked at the envelope seeing it had been steamed open. House was as insensitive as Dan said. He saw his name in smudged handwriting and opened the letter.

_ Dear Phil, _

_ By the time you read this I'll be gone. I'll be back to pick up more things in the next few days but relax now I'm not there. I'm not holding you back! Settle down. Marry! You getting married to someone else leaves a bitter taste in my mouth simply because I wish it was me. I would take you hand and promise my heart to you, no question. I've imagined it since I was 18. I never showed you my medical notes because I had covered the margins with 'Doctor Howell-Lester' in hearts. It was embarrassing but I was so sure I was going to be your husband. I was naive. I was in love. I'm writing this because, right now, you are on your fifth date with the girl from Oncology. With this number I have worn your jumper, the one piece I have of you, 15 times, I have broken down in front of Cameron once and lashed out out at House three times.  _

_ I knew I couldn't make you fall in love with me but I wished (hoped, dreamed and fantasized) that one day you would say that you love me. I know that this won't happen and one day, I will receive a wedding invitation. I will send a lovely gift in the mail and then drown my sorrows at a bar while the wedding happens. I won't crash it because you'll look at me with sorrow in your eyes as you say 'I never loved you Dan' and I would leave in humiliation. You and your wife would laugh at the memory later as I stare at the picture we took when we first; thinking what I did wrong. _

_ I love you, Phil Lester. From the moment you crashed into me on Manchester University campus to the day I die. I am now out of your life. You'll see me at the hospital but accept that I have given up. I will no longer go after you but I will always love you. You are now free of me. _

_ Yours forever, _

_ Dan Howell _

Phil sobbed. Heavy, deep sobs. He was so stupid. Dan had felt this way for seven years and he had been too blind to see it. Dan had poured his heart onto this piece of paper, had endured heartbreak after heartbreak as Phil went on more dates. Now Dan was dying and it was fault. Dan was dying because he was a coward. He should've kissed him on the Manchester eye, proposed to him as they walked through the cherry blossoms trees in Japan and happily announced him as his husband when Cuddy asked.

Coward. Coward. Coward.

Phil then noticed a small scribbled heart at the bottom of the paper with 'Dr Howell-Lester' written in the middle with a tear smudge, marring Dan's imperfect writing. His sobs renewed.

***

The viewing platform in the surgery room was almost full. House, Cameron, Foreman, Wilson, Cuddy and Chase looked out at their fellow doctor. He was covered in bruises and deep gashes. He had flat lined almost twice, only to be bought back.

“It's strange what people will do for love isn't it?” Cameron said quietly “he was willing to leave Dr Lester without so much of a goodbye because it was too much to bear”

“Two halves of a whole” Cuddy muttered “opposites but alike in every way”. House chuckled slightly.

“Apart from those ridiculous sentiments” House added “Dr Howell will be out of intensive surgery and Dr Lester deserves the kick up his ass that no one gave him in seven years”

“I'd be willing” Chase offered “as much as Dan was unusual he loved Phil. It was like a Greek tragedy in slow motion”

“I told him to stop” Wilson told the group “but he didn't believe me”

“The too good to be true mentality” House said “it will be the death of us all”

***

_ Dan Howell, 18 years old, was rushing along on of the expansive lawns in Manchester University cursing under his breath and heaving a heavy backpack. _

“ _ Why are you late, Mr Howell?” he muttered “it involves my bed being dismantled and being put back together in the fucking bathroom. If you can call it being put together, sir”. His head was focused on the ground, not really caring who he could possibly bump into at 9am on a cold October morning. But he did and it hurt. _

“ _ I'm so sorry!” the man on top of him exclaimed “I was late” _

“ _ as was I” Dan said “and you are?”. He opened his eyes and saw blue, deep blue. The man above him smiled, his tongue poking out slightly as he did so. He was cute. _

“ _ Phil Lester” as they dragged themselves up “year four student, currently highly stressed and late”. _

“ _ Dan Howell” he shouted as he began running again “year one student who is very late!” _

“ _ I'll see you again, I hope” Phil grinned _

“ _ You will” Dan called back _

***

Dan was in a coma. His lung had been punctured multiple times by his broken ribs and he had severe internal bleeding. There was so many injuries that Phil couldn't count. The many wires that kept him alive covered his now pale and thin body. The surgeons said he was safe for now, repeating things he had to say for years.

“Dr Lester, visiting hours are now over” the nurse informed him “and you need rest. And sleep”

“I can't” his voice cracked slightly

“You'll be no use to him sleep deprived”. Phil sighed and got up, taking one last look at Dan.

“Page me if anything happens”

“We will”

***

A coma. A coma he may never come out of. The man he loved, gone.

Not gone. But close enough.

“If you two had any common sense between you, he would be alive” House said as he walked into Dan's room

“He's not dead yet” Phil replied as he grasped Dan's hand.

“There's only so long you can hold on Phil” House implored “contact his family. Tell them what happened. He's not gonna return. No matter what you think. This isn't going to end in happily ever after”

“Dan's a fighter. He's always been one”

“Inform his family”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comment please, it warms my heart.  
> hmu on twitter: @thatbarin_tokyo


	5. So tell me that you love me too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh!  
> Thank you to anyone you took time to read this story. :)  
> also i have little medical knowledge so forgive me

Dealing with Mrs. Howell sobbing on the other end of the line only intensified Phil's guilt. He had caused this. This much pain to Dan's family and to Dan himself. House, however, discovered something while sitting by Dan's bedside as Phil made the call. Dan was responded to some stimuli, it was very little but enough to spark House's interest.

“He’s responded to stimuli so he’s in a vegetative state” House stated as Phil, Cameron, Foreman and Chase gathered in the Diagnostic room “He’ll need constant watch but our initial diagnosis may of been wrong”

“He’ll wake up?” Phil blurted out

“You’re a Doctor, Lester. Come on” House snapped back

“It may take weeks for him to wake up” Cameron persisted “he might never be the same again”

“Depends on how long he’s unconscious for” Chase said

“Then we wait” Phil replied.

***

Dan knew he was probably dead. For one, Phil was telling him he loved him. Which was ridiculous because he was in love with another. He had left, yesterday. But was it yesterday? He wasn’t sure. From his left he felt someone take his hand and squeeze it gently.

“Hey Dan” it was Phil. warm, lovely Phil. Why was here? “I know you can hear me”. Of course he could. “I love you. I’m sorry I never told you. I’m sorry that I was never brave enough to tell you. I was stupid and cowardly”. Dan tried to squeeze Phil’s hand back, to tell him they were both stupid.

“Stupid. That’s true” It was House, Dan was sure “he’ll make his way out of it. Didn’t you have something to give him?”. Phil sighed and held Dan’s hand tighter.

“In 2010” Phil started “I realised I was in love with you. I was terrified because I was certain you were straight. I tried to suppress my feelings which possibly made me a bit worse, a lot worse really.” there was a pause “One day in 2011 I stumbled across a jewelry shop and I found a ring. One day, when I was brave enough, I was going to ask you to marry me with this ring. I hope when you wake up, I could take you out on a date. We could restart without my blind stupidity”. 

Dan felt a fluttering in his stomach. When he woke? He was dead, this was a dream. 

He was sure of it.

***

The ring was left beside Dan’s bedside table. Phil visited everyday after shift. He read Dan’s favourite books and recounted his favourite stories. He never gave up hope that Dan would wake up. 

***

Dan’s family arrived and were staying at a nearby hotel. They never blamed Phil, but he felt the guilt. Dan was slowly responding to more stimuli and would wake up soon. He was sure of it.

***

When Dan really concentrated he could hear Phil reading his favourite book to him. He could hear his mother telling him what he had missed while he was away in the US. House occasionally made an appearance telling him to wake up and get his ass moving. 

“Of course Dr Lester is distraught without you” he could hear House saying. If Dan could smile, he would of “he never put the ring on you. The guy has no backbone I swear. Of course Lester put you in this situation. He loves you yet never had the guts to do anything ”.

“The person you’re talking about is right here”. There was a swish as the door closed behind Phil “and yes I know I have no backbone or we wouldn’t be here”

“Is this going to be one of those horribly soppy moments where you finally put the ring on his finger or we going to end up in an endless cycle?”. Dan could hear Phil sigh and scuff his feet on the hospital floor.

“I shouldn’t put it on him. It wouldn’t be his decision”

“The guy has been waiting for years for you to take your head out of your ass” House said angrily “so do it”

Dan could hear Phil walk over to his other side as House got up. He could hear the swish of the sliding door and the sound of House’s cane down the corridor. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I said that enough. It was my fault that you’re here in a coma”  he could hear Phil sniffle as he sat down “I was a coward for all the time we knew it each other”

Knew each other? What was happening?

“The board made a decision Dan. If there isn’t a change they want to pull the plug”

Dan knew what that meant. He would be gone. He would be dead.

Dead. 

“They’re giving me this time then you’ll be taken off the support. I’m sorry Dan”

Dan thoughts raced. If he didn’t wake up? He could feel Phil’s hand grasping his own. Phil was shaking as he squeezed Dan’s hand tighter.

He wanted to fight this. Dan refused to die now, not when there was a possibility of him and Phil together. He tried to get his muscles to move concentrating on the sensation of Phil’s hand in his. Dan wanted to grasp his hand back. Concentrating hard, Dan tried to make his hand spasm and eventually, it did.

“Dan?” Phil sounded shocked 

Dan could hear a buzz of activity around him, some things more clear than others. But the next sensation surprised him. Phil’s lips on his. It was short and sweet.

“Fight this please Dan. Then we can start our lives as we were meant to. Together”. 

Dan had heard the description of light when you began to wake. It was a clear, sharp light and he fought to go towards it. His and Phil’s life finally. Not separate. Together. 

Together. Together. Together.

Dan woke up.

There was soon a chaos of movement and speaking around him as he opened his eyes. But all he could focus on was Phil’s face, tear stained and joyful.

***

The inevitable conservation followed about what would happen next. They would stay at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Phil’s grin when he finally introduced Dan as his husband to Cuddy was priceless. House could no longer use ‘Howell-Lester’ as a jab to Dan instead using ‘Howlter’ as a midway insult. Wilson commented to Phil one day that he was perhaps mildly jealous of what had happened, since it never happened to him. 

Dan proudly wore the ring that Phil bought him all those years back. Inscribed, when Dan had said yes to marrying Phil, was:

_ Spending my life, falling deeper in love with you. _

**FIN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and kudos warms my heart tbh  
> Twitter: @thatbarin_tokyo

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comment is much loved  
> hmu on twitter: @thatbarin_tokyo


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